FOOD PUSHERS!!!

The next topic I want to vent about because this is my blog and I can write about anything here in cyberspace.
(Although, many of my friends and family know my blog so yea its not much of a secret) I haven't posted in forever so maybe everyone's lost interest.
Oh well writing for me seems to be helping with my issues so I am going to keep it up! (besides its going to make great material for my psychologist when I need to go see one for my food issues!) I can hand this over and say here read this tell me how to fix me!!!

So I want to know what the deal is...
(Now all my thoughts are going to come out and may not make sense to anyone but here goes)
I don't understand it....why when you tell someone no thank you, I'm fine, or I already ate some they still insist on you having MORE FOOOOD. I have had a weight issue all my life. I am not sure if some of it has to do with me not saying no! (I mean of course a lot is my own fault for not staying active or taking care of myself by watching what I eat, but now it seems like a constant struggle)
Sometimes I just feel like its so much easier to just give in. Its not worth the time, energy or fight about it!
What is it... My GF the other day brought up the same subject. She also thought that maybe the "food pushers" are insecure because of your not eating. I don't know folks I can't explain it. It happens a lot to me.
ALOT at work! Well I guess its just one of the places you spend most of your time so of course there's going to be sooooo much pressure.

Ok so reasons I came up with FOOD PUSHING/Food Pushers:
1. They think your hungry...even though you told them you already ate.
2. They are trying to be a good host... but you've tried something else on the table that is a better choice for your lifestyle.
3. They don't care!!!
4. They're jealous you are doing so well!!!
5. Insecure because if your not eating you think their food is not good
6. Insecure that you can be in control (trying to sabotage your success)
7. I don't know its just me and my crazy thoughts!!!

I am going through this journey some how trying to stay sane. (yea I know what a thought hahahha)
I know I can't control anything anyone else does or what they do with their life, but why oh why are there so many people out there willing to mess with mine?????

Its August already...

So I am still on my path to a healthier & better life. I struggle almost every day. It seems like food consumes everyone. Or maybe because I have a lot of difficulties with food I just see that. I don't know.
Today I had a party with most of my friends. We could all gain from losing weight and becoming more healthy. Most of us have struggled with weight in our adult lives. The last couple of years since being on WW most of the group has gotten better with dishes brought to potlucks or just the amount of food we have at a party in general. Although today its seemed like we had more than enough.
The longer and longer I take to get it, that FOOD shouldn't control my life, I get somewhat stronger. Or maybe its just an illusion. I know right now thought I can't sit in front of food for any long period of time. Even after I feel that I've satisfied my hunger, if I sit in front of chips, bread or any other reachable food I seem to just grab it. There is no purpose for this eating, but it still happens. Why is that? Why do I feel this need or desire to still eat after I already had my share? I don't get it.
Today though I stopped myself, I came to the realization that right now I am not strong enough to over come this. At least for now I can not sit with food in front of me because I will just mindlessly eat because others are doing the same thing.

I know I am rambling and by this time not making much sense but its something I had to write about. I feel like getting my "issues" with food out here helps. Well see :)

Sometimes the enemy!

So yea too of my favorite things that I do not have complete control over. I mean I LOVE cheese. If its around I usually want it. My solution so far being in the lifestyle change mode is to have Fat Free cheese around or light. I use light laughing cows which are rich and creamy... feels almost like I am cheating!

The bread OMG the bread. What I can't stand anymore is that its put on my table at dinner. I seem to just MINDLESSLY eat it.
How many pieces was that? Oh 3 now. I don't even need the butter when its nice and warm. Sometimes I want the bread, because I have the "extra" calories left in the day to eat it. Most times though I don't want to be tempted by it or even just like I said before mindless eating happens. I know its rather confusing to my friends. Sometimes I am like yea give me bread and then next time I am like keep it away from me like its the plague.
I am a complex girl with FOOD ISSUES! Sorry its so hard to understand me.
So what is it that I can say to my friends... in a nice way, I will not go out to eat with you if we have the bread, chips or cheese biscuits on the table.
Some of my friends don't have a weight issue or even a problem with food or if they do they don't care. So how is that I bring it up when I am sometimes ok with it but other times I feel like i will go running and screaming out the door if its brought to the table!

I feel justified

So today I was kind of dreading but also looking forward to my weekly WI. I dreaded it on one hand because I would be disappointed if all my struggling over how the choices in foods I ate while I on vacation didn't work out, meaning I lost nothing or even gained I would feel like I went through all that for nothing.
I was looking forward to it because I know I did really good with portions and I stayed within my guidelines of what I am looking to achieve.
So with my loss of 3 pounds over this last week, well I feel justified for all my actions.
I feel like I am on the right path and I am starting to get this. Even though my mind doesn't always want to cooperate. I don't always want to do whats best for well being because its hard. I want to be like everyone else sometimes. I mean I don't know exactly what that means but if others are just eating like they don't care, sometimes I want to do that too!
But unfortunately for me I have to be very vigilante of what I do because too many slips will send me sliding down the path I don't want to be on. So alas I carry on doing what I know is right for me.

How to convince my brain to stop overeating???

The obvious fact is that all my life I've eaten too much. But why?
Throughout our evolutionary history, food has been scarce, so in order to ensure survival, humans have been conditioned to eat as much as they can whenever food is available.
Unfortunately, when food is abundant and rich in calories, as it is today, the results can be ugly.

~ SO that is an ad for a new product, but it really describes how I feel a lot.
How do I convince my mind I am full before I am SO full???
Got any ideas...

Its sometimes all about the company we keep....

In times when its hard for me its much more helpful to be around people who are also going to help me be strong in my fight!
I don't care about what others are eating per say or what their doing… (I've had to get use to that)
But its emotionally draining to be around others when I am fighting a battle in my own head about food and then no one else cares about it.
It’s a head thing, its weird because I don't exactly know how I feel just know I am not way motivated. When I am around other people in my life who are struggling and they just throw all of the hard work out the door and sor tof give up, I feel it too.
I've started to become a little unglued in my inspiration of losing, I think it has to do with not having a loss in over 2 weeks. I am not saying I need instant gratification but when I am doing what I am "suppose" to and not losing it drains on my own self esteem. I think it might be too that its that time of the month right now so I just want to eat as opposed to being ok with what I've got...

Maybe the fact that I haven't written anything down over my food issues...that's been bothering me!
I have been "fine" and now I'm not. When does this process fix it self. When does my mind catch up with what I am doing and when does this stop being so hard?

Wow its been a long while since I wrote.....

It has been too long. But you know every now & then you relapse.
Went to my WW meeting and last nights topic was support. How to ask for help.

I think Ive been doing so much better (and I've said this before) when most of everyone around me is trying to accomplish the same thing.
Like it still iterates me to some degree when I'm told don't want to hear about all the WW stuff.
It's like are you kidding me. Its part of me. How can I not talk about it. Plus almost my whole group of friends, we need to start talking about it. Not nessaryily about WW's but fitness & health and eating better.
We're not all in our 20's anymore and if we were concerned about each other then we do need to talk about.
-I know there's a differance of forceful and just talking about it.
-I know not everyone is like me but I think a lot people feed and drive off others. Studies show if your around people who care about their health and want to take care of themselves eventually it starts to wear off. I mean the obesity in my group is something we could work on, something we should work on.
Sometimes just like everyone else its like oh I don't care. I can't!

Awhile ago my friends saw me going down that path again, the one I was on before. They started seeing destructive behaviors in me that I use to have daily. *With food & fitness.
ME being Unhelpful to myself.
*Eventually I started to see. Telling myself "I have lost all this weight, I can't revert to my old ways and just watch myself lose control."
Sometimes it takes a friend to help you take a step back.

I know I can't worry about everyone else… I need to focus on myself and my family. Even though I consider my group family, its tough - I can't wrap myself up in what people do or don’t do. Its really hard.
All I can control is myself. And what I choose to do.

My Husband is helping me be the person I want to be it's so incredible
Ok omg I am going to start crying. Thinking about how supportive my man has been is just... hard to explain.
That time of the month you know more emotional then usual!

This weight loss thing is a trip... a long journey of learning.
Everyone's different.

I don't think I will ever be able to change my worrying but I try. Preventing an untimely death, I mean you wouldn't continue to watch someone drink & drive, or abuse themselves with drugs... or at least I can't.

My dilemma of the month!

Been almost 2 months on WW

I went back to Weight Watchers (WW) in May. It was a good decision for me. I did really well on it last time and I plan on keeping it in my life to come.
My husband is happy about it since now I really am aware of cooking and eating out. Travel has been hard. Its harder to stay focused when your not in control of where the food is coming from. Although I believe I did ok while away over this past week. Its what I could do with what I had.
Down again and so I've lost 21 pounds over the last 8 weeks. I think its great and I know right now I continue on. On this running sticker I bought it says its not how fast you finish, its as long as you finish. Although I will never be done with my weight struggles or food issues there is a finish with the aspect of weight. I won't always have to "lose" weight. However managing is a whole other story.

Boon Squirt

I don't know why this is but when I first had Nyla (and even on through the first 6 months), I thought that I needed EVERYTHING. Whenever I came upon a situation that would call for something to make it easier to do, I would have all these ideas pop into my head about what I could either invent or purchase. Most of the time it was inventions of course and then a little googling would reveal that someone had stolen my idea and made millions. It always seems to go that way. Anywho, the boon squirt was just such an invention. As I was feeding Nyla one day, I just couldn't seem to get the food shoveled into her mouth fast enough. Who knew that once babies discovered there is more to life that gross warm milk and a chewy nipple, that anything on a spoon tastes exactly like birthday cake. So here I was with Nyla and her liquid carrots, literally trying to figure out how to just pure the bowl down her throat (not to mention that my fat fingers can only grip a teeny tiny spoon for so long), that the idea came to me. A spoon with a food filled handle!! Cha Ching. Shortly thereafter, my two (more seasoned with such fiascoes) sister-in-laws told me there was a such a thing as a feeding spoon. So I set out on my treasure hunt, and what do you know, like a beacon of light there it was right in my local target baby feeding isle. DANG YOU BOON. You are always stealing my ideas! Of course, being the bargain shopper that I am, I did not settle for target. Nope. I did a thorough search for the cheapest one on the block. drugstore.com or Burlington Coats. The funny things is, I used this for weeks before I realized that it really is only good for traveling. It just adds one more step to my busy day or having to take the food out of the container and put it in another container. Blah. Oh well, it was awesome for our vacation.

Parmesan Pancakes

Yes, this can be done and they are AMAZING! I made them yesterday for breaky.

First make the pancake mix. (If you don't want to make your own, you can use premix)

1 egg
1 C Flour
3/4 C Milk
1 TBS Sugar
2 TBS Veg Oil
1 TBS Baking Powder
1/2 tsp Salt

Whisk it all together until there are no lumps. (This recipe makes 2 lrg pancakes)

Second, using FRESH parmesan, slice a few thin pieces and set aside.

Then heat up your pan and spray with non-stick. Pour about 1/2 the amount of pancake mix you want into pan and place parmesan pieces on top of batter in pan. Pour the remaining amount of pancake mixture you desire over parmesan until covered. Wait for batter to form bubbles all over the surface, then flip pancake. The parm should remain inside of pancake. Cook both sides of pancake until golden brown. Place on serving plate and smother with butter. No need for syrup, its not that kind of pancake. Enjoy.

German Pancakes - So Easy a Caveman Could Do it

Mom used to make these for us on Christmas mornings. If we are lucky, we might get them this christmas.

6 Eggs
1/2 tsp salt
1 C milk
4 TBS butter/unsalted
1 C flour







Put it all in a blender and blend until smooth. Do not use mixer because your batter will be lumpy. (unless you want to sift your flour in slowly while mixing)

Preheat oven to 400*. Place an extra TBS of butter in a baking pan, large skillet, or pie tin and melt in preheating oven. When the butter is all melted, remove from oven and pour batter into pan. Place in oven for 20 min or until edges have risen and turned golden brown. Remove and sqeeze lemon juice and powdered sugar over top and serve. You can also serve with favorite syrup as well, but I love it with just the lemon and powdered sugar.

So yummy!

Homemade Pizza

Pizza Dough (hand tossed):

1 packet of yeast (1 TBS)
1/4 C lukewarm water
3 C AP flour
1 tsp salt
1 C lukewarm water
1/2 tsp onion powder
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1 1/2 TBS granulated sugar
1 TBS olive oil

Mix together yeast and 1/4 C warm water. Let sit and become foamy about 5 min. In a seperate mixer, combine flour, salt, onion powder, garlic powder, and sugar. Using the dough paddle, mix on medium speed until dough crawls up paddle. Mix 1 C warm water with foamy yeast mix. Leave dough on medium speed while pouring yeast mixture onto dough. When dough forms a ball remove to freshly floured surface. (If dough does not form a ball, add one tsp of water at time until it does) Flour your own hands and kneed dough for about 5 min. In a large bowl, add olive oil and make sure it coats all sides and bottom. Roll dough into a ball and place in middle of bowl. Cover with plastic wrap and leave in warm dry area. Dough should rise to double its original size in about an hour.

After dough rises, place back on floured surface and kneed again. Dough can be used right away or wrapped in plastic and stored in refridgerator or freezer until use.

How to hand toss pizza dough: Start with a small ball of dough about twice the size of your fist. Flatten the ball with your hands and start stretching the edges until you have a frisbee size flat bread. Place your hands in a fist side by side under the frisbee letting the dough wrap down the sides of your fists. While rotating your fists around each other, toss the dough in the air creating a centripical motion on the dough in the air. Catch with the tops of your fists so as not to poke a hole in your dough. Repeat 6-7 times. Place round dough on a greased and floured pizza baking sheet. Stretch dough edges out as far as possible to fill baking sheet. Make the dough as flat as possible. Lightly brush the edges of the dough with olive oil, add sauce and desired toppings and bake at 450* until top of pizza starts turning golden brown then remove from heat.

Awesome Homemade Pizza Sauce:

Combine and mix the following in a med sauce pan-
28 oz can tomato paste
1 crushed garlic clove
1 TBS olive oil
Dried basil, chervil, and tarragon
1/4 tsp chili powder
Dash of cayenne
Fresh ground pepper & ground sea salt to taste

Bring it all to a boil. Cool and serve or use whenever.

Enjoy!

So now the challenge is upon me

SO today I went to brunch w/Norman & Lisa to Marie Calendars. Yea fun & exciting stuff I know. Well why does food need to be sooo damn tempting. I ate more then maybe I should have.
Then we went to Santana Row..its a shopping center for those of you who read my blog & didn't know.




We went to Z gallery & La Sur Table. I love looking around stores. We walked a bit and went back to the car.
This whole getting dark early thing is bothering me. Its so weird. I guess I'll get use to though.
We went to a great little restaurant in Palo Alto, well actually its a creamery. Long time ago we seen it on a tv show and since then we've loved going there. Since I've been on WW's though I don't frequent the establishment. TOO SCARY for my lifestyle now.
I was planning on doing the whole shake/malt thing but I got something else on the menu instead and then was too full to go there.
Came home got on my exercise bike for 1 1/2 hours while watching some tv. Great way to exercise and get the DVR recordings watched too. So got caught up on 2 episodes of ER. I stopped watching that show awhile back, got too crazy for me. The only reason I started watching again is because its the last season, so I feel kind of obligated in a way...old loyalty. Yea I am a bit crazy and have weird reasoning. It was like when Friends was ending too. I HAD to watch the last season.
Alrighty off to wonderland now.

Sharks Win in OT

So went to Sharks game tonight. They've had to play 2 back to back games in the last 2 weeks. So I am proud of them for coming back from this one & winning! Hopefully their back to back games are over with.



Hubby was getting upset at how they were playing but I was hopeful. They had a ton of shots on goal. More then the Flyers.
We doubled their shots every period. The Sharks are having trouble scoring on THEIR power play. This needs to turn around too.
Was a very exciting game to watch, there were a lot of confrontations. (fights/scuffles/just plain ol' pushing & shoving) In hockey though its usually called roughing unless its like really good long fight.


So anyway I had bought some peanuts & cashews. They were so super sweet though because they were covered with a sugar coating. I was thinking after eating a few...no wonder america is overweight. We have junk like this everywhere. I don't think there is a healthy food item served in the arena.
I've been struggling lately with WW's. Its been hard for me to get back into the total swing of things coming back from vacation.
I've learned a lot from WW's and I know what to do. I need to stop eating things that are making me crave more fat & sweet!
Anyway its not like I stopped going or anything just been very lax in what I've been eating for the last week.
Tomorrow is a new day and I already told my DH that I am cleaning the cupboards out and the fridge so if there is anything he wants to eat then it better be gone.
Going shopping for all my fruits & veggies...whole wheat couscous and rice.
Need to get back to what I know is good and healthy for me.

Oh the Sharks won 5-4 in OT if you wanted to know